So today when I was trawling through the internet searching for today’s East Asian football news, I came across something which we term back in Newcastle as an absolute belter! A website called Zee News declared in the title of their article, ‘South Korea Squad Out for World Cup in Russia’. Which was followed by the subheading of, ‘South Korea coach Shin Tae-yong selected the following 23 man squad for the World Cup Finals on Saturday’.
Everything they have said is all well and good so far, but the squad picture that has been added to the article is the Liverpool starting eleven from the Champions League final, therefore it bizarrely looks like the site is saying that South Korea has called up the Liverpool Champions League starting eleven in a very weird turn of events.
At the Tofu Bowl, we don’t know how Shin managed to pull off such a miraculous move in an attempt to make sure Korea has a chance to batter Germany like cod and chips. There was not only panic in Egypt, but all of Korea rolled out prayer mats in honour of Mo’s gammy shoulder and prayed the super glue used to fix big Mo was not the Poundland variety so that big Mo won’t need the extra support of a bit Blu-Tac weighing him down which would make his rocket boosting feet useless. All of Korea’s prayers were answered and Big Mo didn’t need the added help of Blu-Tac meaning his speed booster feet were there en route to the final combing with Sonny’s twinkle toes in beautiful everlasting perfection.
The sexy 334 had the World purring, with the BBC’s Gary Lineker claiming, “he has never seen such a sexy attacking formation”, and Korea are the bravest team for, “trying something new”. The world was craving, wanting, hoping and demanding Korea smash the dull and negative anti-football of the Brazilians in the final so that this new brand of attacking football would sweep the world. Wave after wave of Korea attacks was shut down by 6ft6 Brazillian cloggers like Alan, and Fred. Luck was just not on Korea’s side with Brazil on the back foot their route one football prospered in the end over sexy Korean flair. A massive hoof from the back by Fred the clogger bounced into the box, and carthorse forward Malcom's toe punted it from a 2-yard goalmouth scramble to end the world’s hopes and dreams of a return to sexy in football. Long hoofball remains kind, and Brazil is the champions of this style. Fred and Malcom were hailed the next masters of the universe knocking He-Man and Ronaldo off their throne. The World Cup is ours now Skeltor and you can’t do a damn thing about it!
Well, I presume that is what they must have been thinking in the World of Zee News…South Korea has not, or do not have any way of calling up the Liverpool squad and in fact, Liverpool don’t even have any Korean players. Weird – but good work Shin!